Sexuality and autism through the experience of Red Fryk Hey

Through the experience of Red we will deepen a theme still considered a taboo for autistic and disabled people: sexuality.
According to the most recent redefinitions of autism (Singer, 1998), it must be understood in terms of neurodiversity or neurotypism and no longer disturbing, disease. Autism, in fact, is only one of the many ways in which the human mind can work. It is nothing more than a normal neurological variation like race, gender and sexuality. For this reason, autism does not care: because it is not a disease.

The movement for neurodiversity aims precisely to change the traditional perception of neurodicjecting people, change negative stereotypes by identifying talents and needs of the person. In addition, it aims to enhance the marginalized individuals and ensure that they are attributed to them the right value within the company, as they also constitute a resource.

Activists commit themselves daily to overcome the incorrect, linked, for example, representations to the image of the automotive with cognitive disabilities, with language or learning disorders. Precisely for this reason, autistic people who have no other ailments, struggle to be recognized as such. The diagnosis, in these cases, still comes too late, or never comes.


The late autism diagnosis: the experience of Red Fryk Hey

This is the case of the story of Red Fryk Hey, who received his diagnosis at 31 years of age. Until then Red has lived badly, not so much for its condition, but because society disable it, not recognizing its diversity and its different way of perceiving sounds, colors, interactions with other people. He felt I "don't be believed".

Red (name deriving from the red color, his favorite) was born in Cuneo and is ballerinə, teaching, choreography and activist for the rights of autistic people. He deeply loves hip hop as a culture and likes to express this passion both through choreographic work and with freestyle. Ranges from contemporary dance to experimentation. All seasoned with energy, style, technique, humility, passion, commitment, constant training and determination: ingredients that have made Red un arranges professional affirmedleg in the dance sector. He has won numerous competitions at both national and international level, both as dancericə and choreography.

The dissemination of Red on social networks

When it comes to autism, the information is never too much, indeed it is often little and wrong. For this Red, through social networks, especially Instagram, holds particularly to the popular mission. On his pages he especially shares his main interest and his profession: dance. A tool through which he tries to combine the world of dance with the world of autism. Through this Red sharing action, all those prejudices that do not allow the autistic person to be recognized as such.

Red has decided to share his experience with us and to deal with issues that constitute taboos when it comes to autism: the sexuality.


Red, how did you experience the arrival of the menarca and how do you still live it?
I awaited him a lot, especially because my classmates who bullied me had already lived this experience and I didn't. Once the time came I breathed a sigh of relief. In the following months, being a non -Binary person, I started to repudiate him at times and live the menstruation so still. At sensorial level I do not perceive pain, only very annoying swelling.


How did you experience your sexuality with the beginning of adolescence?
In the family it was a taboo topic and I was convinceə It was a shame to have sex, because of my Catholic Christian family. I lived it with a sense of shame and embarrassment for this reason, despite having been a very curious person. But everything fascinated me, especially those physical sensations so strong, before, later and during.


When you were committed to relationships, what did you suspect your neurodavenure? And the others noticed these aspects?
I was constantly told that it seemed my mind never stopped being in motion, even during intimacy.
My way of communicating, in return of the partners, passed from being intense to being absent. I could not relate to their families, especially if linked to physical contact and typical social rules. They did not understand the crises I had sometimes when I was exposed to too many sensory stimuli. Furthermore, my way of socializing with their friends and their friends never liked, above all because I stressed how uncomfortable I was uncomfortable and how much I was not interested in being part of a group of people. They did not understand how I sometimes described my emotions and reality.


How has the relationship with your body changed since you received the diagnosis (if it changed)?
I don't have a good relationship with my body and it hasn't changed after discovering that I was Autisticə. The moment I have a good relationship with it is when you dance!


Have you had experiences within love relationships and/or sexual intercourse where did you feel discriminainatə?
Yes, unconsciously because of my autistic characteristics and my perception, for my being not binary and ... I also suffered an abuse.


What do you think should change when it comes to sexuality and autism? Stop childhood. Often we just don't talk about sexuality and autism because we talk about us autistic people as if we were always Bambinə.


Is there any other particular message that you want to send about this topic?
Listen to the autistic people who want and can tell their experience in every area.


Autism is a universe still to be explored and still very little known, full of prejudices. Activists also give voice to those who have a voice, but the conception ofə autisticə as a person with disabilities. For this, we hope that the stories like those of Red will be increasingly spread in order to raise awareness of the topic and not to reduce autistic people to their condition.


Antonella Patalano

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