Orange Thursday against violence against women
In the world violence against women interests 1 woman out of 3. A fact that has undergone a surge during the pandemic: according to a recent United Nations Report We reach 2 out of 3 women in 13 countries around the world. Only one in 10 denounced the abuse of which he was the victim to the police.
Still too many, today, go beyond the consent line. At every latitude, every day. A violence that is embodied in different types: physical, sexual, psychological and that, as we all know, can come to determine death. A life that breaks. For an act of supremacy claim. For an impetus of jealousy. For the reckless desire to delegitimize the inviolable right of freedom.
It's all the dutyǝ spreading the culture of consent: it can no longer exist "if it has sought", nor "men are men". It is not women's fault. It is not the fault of their clothes. It is not the fault of the dark roads. It is not their fault if they are walking alone. The fault lies with all those who exercise violence, in any way they do it.
Among the most important things we can do is listen and believe in survivors. It is our job to recreate one safe space That welcomes them, so that they can witness their experience, the first step to boycott the abuse cycle.
For this we end this intervention with the words of two survivors who wanted to tell their experience, because what happened to them never happens again.
G: «Today I am 19 years old and I live in Turin. I suffered an attack in June 2020. For a few weeks, the Lockdown had ended, the first and in some ways the most sign. Although with the necessary precautions, it was possible to go out. After months I had the opportunity to meet my classmates again, fully. In fact, some professors had organized a small meeting place for a quick greeting before the summer holidays, in the most important park in the city. Do you know the feeling of returning to living, meeting the people who belonged to your routine before Lockdown? That was my feeling.
It was a nice afternoon. Within a short time the time of greetings has arrived and my friends' cars were all full: I decided to go home on foot. Honestly, I didn't mind taking two steps: it was about 18.30, it was not dark, and I was not in any of those places that public opinion considers dangerous, trying to attribute some responsibility for the aggression to the victim rather than the executioner.
My shoe is unleashed. I stop to put the laces back. At that moment I am reached by a man: I remember him that he was thirty years old and who was dressed in black. He grabs me by the arm, insults me, try to touch me. I was completely petrified. I resisted, I tried, while he dragged me to a small street where I had hypothesized that he had the car. That was his false step: we met three guys there. I was afraid and I didn't say anything. He tried to cover me with his body, as if he wanted to mask my presence. The others must have read something that did not go in that situation. They looked at us from the bottom of the road, hiding around the corner, they would tell me later: when they saw that she continued to insult me and drag me to who knows where they intervened.
There was a scuffle between them: I continued to stay firm. The attacker escaped and the others accompanied me where I had asked. It was difficult to shake off the fear: for a long time I thought it was only thanks to the fortuitous encounter of three strangers who sensed the danger, that the other could not go deep in his aggression. I often wondered what would happen, where it would have brought me. I do not know. Today I have a very strong sense of gratitude towards those three boys. Talking about it today is my concrete gesture to invite anyone who has lived a situation similar to mine to generate dialogue. It's not your fault. Never".
E: «In 2016 I was 15 years old. In a disco in the center of my city they had organized an institute party. I had been with my friends: we had a lot of fun. Everything was normal, until a boy approached me towards the closing time.
Initially he asked me some questions: «How are you? What is your school? ». The usual questions of conversation. Suddenly he approached to kiss me: I was not comfortable and it was difficult to elaborate the situation at that moment. My refusal had not been elaborated by the person I was facing.
He did not end with a kiss: his tone became more friendly, but aggressive. He took me by the wrist, pulling me towards the bathroom. I was terrified, as you can imagine. I asked for help but nobody considered me. The boys and girls I had encountered in the journey to the bathroom hadn't said anything, they hadn't intervened: they were silent to fix the scene.
I tried to free myself several times in vain. Then I succeeded in a moment of distraction to kick him, the strongest I could and came out of there.
If you witness an aggression, you are not stopping to watch: intervene in person and call the police. On the other hand there is a life to need you and indifference is not worth ".
L: «It was 2020 and I was 25 years old, the first Lockdown had just ended. When they reopened the city, I wanted to share those half -summer days with friends I trust. I am a sunny person, but honestly very naive in many things: I see the glass always half full in every situation.
One evening I was eager to go out, take some air, but none of my closest friends was available. So, speaking without many pretensions, I always heard a boy from the same company to make a beer around it, (What could happen to me?, We are also friends).
We found ourselves in a very busy area of Milan and chatting we jumped from the first to a little beers (maybe it was my mistake?).
When I realized that maybe I was going beyond the limit, I thought of going home. I say this to my "friend", but he convinces me to remain a little more together and to continue drinking. I accepted, not seeing anything wrong with this.
We end up at his house, a few meters from where we were: at that moment my instinct told me that something was wrong.
I didn't want to be the paranoid one, above all, What could happen to me?, (sadly we always think like this).
Given my not very shiny state because of alcohol, I try to call a taxi but I can't go back to the home address who is denied me). I begin to stress me: something is wrong, I feel that it should not go in this way, I feel less and less aware of what happens around me.
Then in an impetus of inner force, I can go down and take a sharing bicycle. This person screams me from the window saying: "You are an irresponsible, how can you go home in that state, do you want something serious to happen to you?".
Reflect ... maybe he is right, I should wait at least the dawn and take a safer vehicle.
(Everything passes fast and confused).
I go back into his own, frightened of the "dangers" that I could try out at that hour.
I ask myself again, It is certainly my fault I didn't have to get to that level. Taking up from this person, I was decided to wait a few hours to leave. I explain to him that I would go to bed to wait a couple of hours and go away, he accepts. I repeat that it is Just to rest and please respect him.
I totally collapsed in bed. I wake up after a few hours (or so it seemed to me) and I find myself in front of a completely unexpected, lousy scene and ... I don't know how to describe it.
I was without trousers, and him was among my legs. I tell him with the few strength that I had to leave me alone, that I didn't want to, that I don't feel it and that I wanted to sleep, but nothing changes, collapse again, from there I don't remember anything anymore.
At the alarm me I find myself totally naked next to it.
I entered Shock (it's my fault?). I said no, I didn't want to, I wasn't even wake up, but what happened.
I go out by running from his home in a state of panic never lived in my life, tears, confusion.
I called a friend of despair, of the same company that listened to my story, replies: - I don't believe you, and if it were, surely you wanted it - (I keep asking for restless: is it my fault?).
The panic did not make me breathe, I felt dirty, I felt like an idiot, I felt the worst thing in this world.
This feeling lasted 4 days where I was unable to sleep, nor to eat. I was in the shower to wash every single piece of my body. Hoping that it hadn't gone as I imagined: I don't remember anything, I know I didn't want! And I said it! I was clear.
Finally a friend of mine who He believed me From the beginning, he gave me the strength to go to an anti-violence center.
This process is not easy, for example: in such a situation you just want to remove that experience from your life but the only thing you do is: remember a thousand times what happened,
Why? Because the coroner will ask you, the psychologist will ask you, the gynecologist will ask you, the nurse will ask you, the lawyer will ask you, and not only once but in the least 2-3.
You know, this sense of guilt does not disappear, only grows every time you come back to that memory.
After all that long and difficult procedure I receive the results of the vaginal test, positive in spermatozoids.
My reaction was no longer panic, it was no longer a doubt, it was a pain in the deepest.
I didn't remember anything, except the scene I mentioned but nothing else: the psychologist says it is a Defense mechanism that learned my mind.
The story can continue for many pages, which certainly must still be experienced, everything for the decision of that person to do something with my body that night.
I ask my experience to pay attention to what is said to a person who is in such a situation: I was treated like a liar, a whore, a dramatic, a case that is perhaps better not to talk about it, one that when he says No it is yes, one that has been searched, one that is perhaps better to exclude, one that is drunk so you can take advantage, and much worse.
Please, listen: it's not easy to talk, it's not easy to act.
It is easier for a survivor (bully) person to be vittinized that it happens. I share my experience to say to those who read about my experience that if you have also lived in such a situation, not if you give it to Sol*!
Look for health professionals and they will help you from a clearer point of view how to act in your situation, for every aspect ».
Alice Carbonara
